Advocating for Myself Nearly Broke Me—But I Did It Anyway
When Speaking Up at Work Feels Harder Than the Pain Itself. Fibromyalgia is hard. But getting people to believe you? That’s a different kind of fight.
When You Have to Explain Fibromyalgia at Work (And Hope They’ll Actually Listen)
Let’s just say this: I didn’t want to become an expert in advocating for myself at work—I had to. I learned the hard way how to speak up when my body was falling apart but I still needed to keep my job. And honestly? That’s one of the most exhausting parts of living with fibromyalgia.
This post is for anyone who’s sat across from a manager, heart racing, trying to find the “right” words to explain a condition that people can’t see but that takes everything out of you.
You are not alone. And your voice matters—shaky or not.
1. Speak To HR even if you’re Scared. Just Say It Anyway.
The first time I spoke up about my condition, I felt like I was asking for permission to be sick. My voice shook. I almost didn’t go through with it. But I did.
Here’s one way you could start the conversation:
“I’ve been managing a chronic condition called fibromyalgia. It causes pain, fatigue, and sometimes brain fog. I’m still able to do my job, but there are days where I need some adjustments to help me function better. I wanted to talk with you about what that could look like.”
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be clear. And honest.
2. Use Simple Language That Hits Home
People don’t see fibromyalgia. So they often don’t believe it’s real. That hurts.
What helped me? Analogies. Things people can understand.
“It’s like having a phone that only charges to 20%. No matter how long you plug it in, it dies fast—and when it’s dead, it’s dead.”
Or:
“It feels like waking up with the flu every day and being expected to act like you’re fine.”
They don’t need a lecture. They just need to get it.
3. You Have Legal Rights (So Don’t Let Anyone Guilt You)
There are actual laws that protect you—even if your employer acts like they’ve never heard of them:
ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act): Your employer has to make reasonable accommodations for conditions like fibromyalgia.
FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act): Gives you up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave.
EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission): If you’re being dismissed, mocked, or denied support, you can file a complaint.
You can say:
“Fibromyalgia is covered under the ADA. I’d like to work together on accommodations so I can continue doing my job well.”
Don’t be afraid to bring in HR. And if they still don’t take you seriously—get help elsewhere. You’re not making it up.
4. What to Say When They Push Back
Spoiler: some people are gonna push back. That’s not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of their ignorance.
Here are a few comebacks that worked for me:
❌ “But you seemed fine last week.”
✅ “Fibro doesn’t follow a schedule. I wish it did.”
❌ “Do you have proof?”
✅ “Yes. I can provide documentation and a symptom log.”
❌ “We don’t normally approve remote work or flexible schedules.”
✅ “Accommodations are about finding what helps me stay productive. I’m open to ideas.”
Stay calm. Repeat yourself if needed. And write. it. down.
5. Document Everything (Seriously, Everything)
Keep a paper trail. I’m talking:
Emails about your condition
Conversations with your manager
Doctor visits, flare logs, symptoms
Any pushback or offhand comments
This isn’t being paranoid. This is being prepared.
6. Don’t Let Anyone Make You Feel Like You Don’t Belong
I’ve second-guessed myself so many times. I’ve cried in the bathroom at work. I’ve pushed through pain just to avoid being labeled as “dramatic.”
But here’s the truth: you deserve to be at the table. Your health matters. Your life matters.
Advocating for yourself isn’t about being “difficult.” It’s about refusing to disappear just because someone else doesn’t get it.
Have You Been There Too?
I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever had to explain your chronic illness at work? What helped you feel heard—or didn’t? Leave a comment or reply to this email. You never know who your story might help.
And if this resonated with you, feel free to share it with someone else who needs it.
Until next time—
Take care of yourself first, always.
—This Fibro Chick