The Silent Battle: Living with Fibromyalgia and the Fear of Asking for FMLA
I remember sitting in my office, my heart pounding as I tried to explain why I needed time off. I had rehearsed the conversation a hundred times in my head, but as soon as I opened my mouth, I saw it—the look. The polite nod, the slight narrowing of the eyes, the barely concealed skepticism.
The conversation always goes like this:
My supervisor says, “So…you’re saying you’re in pain all the time?”
I reply, “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.”
“And there’s no test for this?” they ask.
“Unfortunately, there is none.”
Then comes the classic: “But you, um…look fine?”
There it was. The dreaded phrase.
I wanted to respond, “Well, you look smart, but here we are.” But I needed my job, so I swallowed my frustration and tried again.
The Struggle to Be Taken Seriously
Fibromyalgia is like having the flu, a migraine, and a hangover all at once—except instead of lasting a day or two, it lasts forever. One minute, I’m fine-ish. The next, I’m lying on my couch wondering if I can call an Uber just to carry me to the bathroom.
But because there’s no visible proof—no cast, no lab results, no dramatic hospital stays—people struggle to wrap their heads around it. You tell someone you have fibromyalgia, and they either hit you with, “Oh yeah, my cousin cured that with yoga” or a vague, pitying head tilt. Neither is helpful.
When it comes to your job, talking to your employer about fibromyalgia is like going to the dentist to get a tooth extracted. You feel the pressure, the tugging back and forth—until it’s over. Employers want concrete explanations. They expect doctors’ notes filled with serious-sounding words and neat little boxes checked. But fibromyalgia doesn’t work that way. It has many layers—it’s not black and white.
The Fear of Asking for FMLA
For those of us with fibromyalgia, the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) is supposed to offer some protection. It allows eligible employees to take unpaid leave for medical reasons without losing their jobs. Sounds simple, right?
Except it’s not.
The idea of walking into your boss’s office and asking for FMLA is terrifying. It’s like revealing a weakness in a world that demands strength. And because fibromyalgia is so misunderstood, there’s a good chance you’ll have to prove you need it—often to people who don’t think your condition is real.
1. Getting a Doctor Who Actually Helps
I once had a doctor tell me, “Well, you’re probably just stressed. Try cutting out caffeine and see if that helps.”
Did I really just hear a medical professional say that? First time I heard that nonsense, last time I saw that doctor.
Finding a doctor who understands fibromyalgia and is willing to document it properly for FMLA is half the battle. Some hesitate to even put the diagnosis in writing, worried that insurance companies or employers won’t take it seriously.
2. Convincing Your Employer You’re Not Faking
The first time I requested FMLA paperwork, I felt like I was on trial. I half expected them to bring in a jury. Employers tend to be suspicious of conditions they don’t understand. I could almost see the doubt in their eyes as they mentally calculated how many times I’ve looked fine at work.
One manager actually said to me, “But you were laughing in the break room yesterday.”
Yes, because my choices are (A) laugh or (B) collapse on the floor in pain. I went with Option A, but trust me, Option B was right there, waiting.
3. Fibromyalgia Is Wildly Inconsistent
One day, I can power through a full shift. The next, I can’t stand up long enough to make a slice of toast. Employers don’t like unpredictability. If you’re going to be sick, they want a schedule—something they can plug into a spreadsheet.
I had a boss say, “Well, if you were fine last week, why can’t you just push through today?”
Hearing that made me so angry I wanted to scream and cry at the same time. I had to hold myself back from saying, “If I could control this, I wouldn’t be here having this conversation.” That frustration alone made the pain worse.
4. The Career Fallout
Even if your employer grants you FMLA, there’s always the lingering fear: Will they still see me as capable? Will they start handing my projects to someone else? Will I mysteriously stop getting invited to important meetings?
After I took medical leave once, I came back to find that my workload had been “temporarily reassigned”—which in corporate language means, “We gave your responsibilities to John and we’re pretending that was always the plan.”
The Emotional Toll of Being Doubted
The hardest part of all this isn’t even the paperwork or the medical visits—it’s the doubt. The way people’s faces change when you tell them. The way they start treating you like you’re either fragile or faking.
When you have fibromyalgia, you already spend every day battling your own body. But when you also have to battle for basic understanding, it wears you down in a way that’s hard to explain.
At one point, I actually started questioning myself. What if I am just being dramatic? What if it’s not that bad? What if I’m just lazy?
And then I remind myself: No one willingly signs up for this. No one chooses to live with this level of exhaustion, pain, and brain fog. If I could just “push through it,” I would.
How to Advocate for Yourself at Work
If you’re dealing with fibromyalgia and thinking about asking for FMLA, here are some things that might help:
Find a Doctor Who Has Your Back
Not all doctors are great with fibromyalgia. Find one who understands it and can write up your medical documentation in a way that makes it harder for your employer to deny.
Gather Your Medical Records
It helps to have a detailed history of your symptoms, treatments, and doctor visits. If you have any test results ruling out other conditions, include those too. Employers love proof—even if the proof is just ruling out other problems.
Keep a Symptom Journal
I kept a journal of my worst days—when I couldn’t walk, when my hands stopped working, when I lost track of what I was saying mid-sentence. When my boss asked why I needed time off, I handed him a list of symptoms so long it looked like I was writing a novel.
Don’t Be Afraid to Get HR Involved
If your manager is dismissive, go to HR. It’s literally their job to make sure policies are followed. Your employer might not be thrilled about your request, but FMLA is a law, not a suggestion. If they deny you without a valid reason, you have options.
You Deserve Support
Deciding whether to tell your employer about your fibromyalgia and apply for FMLA is a personal choice—one that comes with risks and uncertainty. But no matter what you decide, remember this:
You are not weak. You are not lazy. You are doing the best you can with a condition that most people will never understand.
And most importantly, you are not alone.
Take a deep breath. I’m talking directly to you because I know how hard it can be to ask for help when you feel invisible. There’s humor in our shared absurdity, sadness in our struggles, fear in the unknown, and a deep, unyielding empathy for every day that feels like a battle.
We’re in this together.
Best regards,
This Fibro Chick